Favourite posts from the 1st quarter of 2008

Pick of the Archive:
Favourite Posts, January-March 2008

1) List of the Month: Top 10 Dances You'd Like To See The Cebu Prison Inmates Perform - January 5th

Having discovered - slightly later than the rest of the world! - the astounding 'dancing Filipino prisoners' phenomenon, I offer up a list of requests for their next YouTube routine.

2) Chain of association - January 6th

A gloomy and depressive week produces a not-bad poem (quite possibly the only one I've written this year - what is wrong with me?!).

3) Some languages have music - January 10th

I kick off my wilfully provocative Why I Don't Learn Chinese series with this confession that I find the sound of the language severely unattractive.

4) Chinese people LOVE me! (14) - January 11th

I indulge in the obligatory ex-pat rant against the odious TV 'personality', Da Shan.

5) Rich and strange - 16th January

More bizarre discoveries from the Internet: novelty coffins from Ghana, and a Japanese artist who crafts exquisite sea creatures out of plastic bottles.

6) Belly rumbles, belly laughs - 18th January

Some choice bits of Chinglish from the new menu at my favourite local restaurant.

7) Wanderlust - 20th January

Some reflections on where the impulse to travel in me comes from - my 'black sheep' grandfather, The Wind In The Willows, and a favourite Larkin poem are cited as likely influences.

8) I WANT this book! - 21st January

I turn up a link to a list of 'weird book titles', including the irresistible 'How To Avoid Work'.

9) Chinese people LOVE me! (15) - 24th January

Some observations on who pays the bill, including an anecdote of one of my great romantic disasters. Another much commented-upon post.

10) A bon mot double whammy - 28th January

I can't resist a little riff on Voltaire - as consolation for my recent firing!

11) Another job I am unlikely to be re-hired for.... - 28th January

Some encounters with staff of the state-run Xinhua News wire service leads me to indulge for once - rashly! - in a little bit of politics. Extensive comments on this one too!

12) It's a funny old world - 29th January

The bizarre novelty of a two-seater toilet prompts some reflections on the shortcomings of bathroom plumbing I have encountered in China.

13) An 'It's that time of year again' haiku - 1st February

The early onset of the protracted firework overkill that is Chinese New Year fills me with trepidation.

14) Self-destructive tendencies - 8th February

Following on from my topical haiku this day, I compile a list of the suicidal behaviours I have witnessed in connection with the setting off of fireworks in the last few days.

15) The wonder of YouTube - 10th February

My favourite YouTube discovery of the year: a young guy who does brilliant lip-syncs of his favourite rock songs (in this case, What's Up? by 4 Non-Blondes).

16) More 'meme' madness - 12th February

A selection of excerpts from the 123rd page of books I'd read recently - an intriguing exercise.

17) 10,000 Maniacs - 13th February

I commemorate the milestone of the blog's 10,000th recorded visitor with this great YouTube clip of the Canadian band 10,000 Maniacs - Natalie Merchant duetting with guest David Byrne on three songs at the end of their MTV Unplugged concert.

18) A romantic(?) haiku - 15th February

A true story - I am completely smitten with a woman I saw while I was out running around Houhai lake.

19) Mao The Mischievous - 15th February

Stranger than fiction - another true story (picked up from my blog-buddy, Jeremiah) about a bizarre digression during the landmark diplomatic talks between Mao and Kissinger in 1973.

20) Another double bon mot - 18th February

Another consolation for the loss of my job at the end of last year. This time I'm riffing on a favourite line from a favourite film.

21) More Chinglish highlights (illustrated!) - 23rd February

A winter break in the far northern city of Harbin produces some amusing photographs.

22) In search of El Dorado - 25th February

The quest for China's best DVD shop (check out also this list of the most common, quirkiest faults with pirated disks out here).

23) Doing The Lantern Festival right - 28th February

Harbin seems to do the Chinese New Year's festivities so much better than Beijing. Here are some photos.

24) A bon mot on 'art' - 3rd March

Probably my favourite bon mot discovery in a long, long time - from Dilbert creator, Scott Adams.

25) Roll call - 8th March

Subbing for a friend for a month in a series of University evening classes, I discover the worst collection of 'English names' ever chosen by a single group of Chinese students. Really. The worst EVER.

26) Because it doesn't get you anywhere... (Why I don't learn Chinese [3]) - 12th March

Observations on the limited utility (in everyday situations, at least) of being able to speak Mandarin.

27) Top overseas consultant to the Beijing Olympics - revealed! - 12th March

This roundup of recent news stories on Beijing's preparations for the Olympics is so alarming (so depressing!), I can only conclude that Dr Evil has replaced Steven Spielberg as the leading foreign adviser to the Organizing Committee.

28) My Fantasy Girlfriend - Elizabeth Russell - 15th March

One of my favourites in this series so far - incorporating an extended review of the film in which the character appears, the Bollywood classic Lagaan.

29) Inverted commas - the Chinese propaganda machine's deadliest weapon - 17th March

My comment on the Chinese governments unintentionally hilarious penchant for referring to everything they don't like as "so-called...... democracy, freedom, human rights, etc."

30) Don't sling mud - 20th March

Morose observations on the most common responses to the Tibetan troubles in the Chinese blogsphere, kicking off my occasional series of more politically slanted posts, Free Advice For The Chinese Leadership.

31) Un-banned! - 24th March

The lifting of the censorship block that's been imposed on my two blogs for most of this month reminds me of an anecdote from my early teaching days here, an illustration of the occasionally rather creative mangling of English that the Chinese can produce.

32) I just wish they'd make their f***ing minds up! - 30th March

My summary of the ways in which China's Internet censors have been trying to disrupt our lives over the past few weeks - and an impassioned request for them to STOP!

Blogger STOLE this post

My apologies to regular and casual readers of this site.

I usually begin the week with a wise and/or witty quotation. I often spend hours scouring the Net - or my private library - for suitable candidates. At the start of each month, I usually try to come up with such a 'bon mot' myself.

Because these posts, though usually very short, are amongst the most labour-intensive things I produce for my blogs, I like to try to prepare batches of them for some weeks or months in advance. A few months back, I spent the best part of a day compiling ALL of these 'bon mot' posts on both of my blogs for the rest of the year.

Then, last week, Blogger gremlins deleted ALL of my 'scheduled' posts. (Well, at least here on Froogville. If they'd destroyed all of my pre-baked goodies over on Barstool Blues as well, I would be even more distraught.)

So, no 'Bon mot for the week' today, I'm afraid. 

I am still in mourning for my murdered babies.

And until I see some sort of acknowledgement that Blogger has become aware of the problem and taken steps to fix it, I don't feel much inclined to post any more at all - and certainly not to pre-schedule anything.

I HATE you, Blogger.

Review of the Year - Froog recommends a 'bon mot'

And why shouldn't I get in on the act? No-one has so far recommended a bon mot as one of their 'picks of the year', and I wanted to keep to my usual weekly format on here during this fortnight-long retrospective. I have dug up some very, very good wise sayings over this past year (some of them not used as yet; I find the research often eats up 15 or 20 minutes of a Monday morning that I should be devoting to breakfast.... or something), and it's quite tricky to choose just one favourite. However, I think the winner has to be this marvellous observation from Scott Adams.

A 'bon mot' on art

first posted on 3rd March

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."

A great line from the Dilbert creator, Scott Adams, who turned 50 last year.

Review of the Year - Froog recommends.... another bon mot

Regular readers (there are at least a few of you, though you mostly lurk) will probably have noticed that I've started contributing my own observations as the 'weekly bon mot' rather more often this past year. This is one of my favourite examples - me consoling myself for my abrupt sacking at the beginning of the year by riffing on Voltaire.

I notice - in searching this out - that I also mentioned Voltaire in passing in this post, one of my few poetic offerings this last year: a translation of a famous piece by Catullus.

A bon mot double whammy

first posted on 28th January

"Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need."

Voltaire (1694-1778)

"Unemployment spares us from three evils: drudgery, management, and fatigue."

Froog

Start the week with a Tom Waits bon mot

"You can't live all your life in the present."

Tom Waits

I thought this was particularly appropriate for today's bon mot, since I am projecting into the future with this post. Anticipating that I will be incapable of posting, or of any form of coherent communication, for much of tomorrow (after starting the day with a 5-hour alcohol breakfast while watching the Super Bowl) I thought I would take care of my Monday morning 'bon mot' ritual a little early and change the time-stamp to make it appear that everything is as it always is. I hope you, my readers, are reassured by this consistency of routine.

Favourite posts from the 4th quarter of 2008

Continuing my catch-up on recommendations from a year and more ago...

Pick of the Archive:
Favourite Posts, Oct.-Dec. 2008



1) Another sign of De-Olympification - 4th October 2008

An anecdote about my first introduction to Beijing's backstreet 'hairdressers'.

2) My Fantasy Girlfriend - Barbara Good - 4th October 2008

Barbara Good, in classic '70s BBC sitcom The Good Life, was just about the perfect woman.

3) Sunday silliness - 5th October 2008

One of my favourite short 'poems', one of my silliest, one of my most outrageous puns.

4) Bon mot for the week - 6th October 2008

One of my own, one of my best.

5) Possibly.... The Best Blog in the World? - 7th October 2008

A recommendation for a wonderful recent discovery, the blog Other Men's Flowers.

6) Sunday Poetry Corner - 12th October 2008

A favourite war poem, Clifford Dyment's The Son.

7) Therapies - 14th October 2008

A list of things that make me feel better....

8) SOAP! - 16th October 2008

A great collective bar-room joke: my drinking buddies and I invent the worthy charity, Stamp Out Animal Pornography.

9) Not exactly a poem.... - 24th October 2008

But rather amusing, I think.

10) Sunday Linguistics Corner - 26th October 2008

My academic editing job throws up a particularly disturbing neologism.

11) An idealistic teacher - 27th October 2008

My approach to the teaching of poetry.

12) A motto for China - 27th October 2008

Found humour: an anecdote on Other Men's Flowers seems strangely appropriate to my adopted home.

13) White Trash Halloween - 31st October 2008

I'm not a fan of this holiday, but I did find this photograph of unusual pumpkin decorations rather fun.

14) Urbane? Moi?! - 3rd November 2008

I think I would prefer the epithet suburbane. This post became a repository for reviews of my two blogs.

15) Website of the Month - Editorial Ass - 5th November 2008

A long overdue recommendation for the wonderful Moonrat (also my Fantasy Girlfriend of the month).

16) The next huge bestseller - 8th November 2008

I win a competition with this outline for a social history of Gin.

17) Chinglish mispronunciation - 13th November 2008

A favourite example of this genre of humour: a film whose title you will struggle to recognise.

18) List of the Month - 'Desert Island' albums - 16th November 2008

My 10 favourite rock albums.... well, amongst my favourites....

19) I am easily amused (yet again) - 17th November 2008

An unlikely Scandinavian name I notice in some film credits reduces me to helpless mirth, and provokes some silly flights of linguistic fancy from me.

20) Chinese lanterns - 24th November 2008

One of my favourite photographs, an unusual view of Beijing's famous Gui Jie restaurant strip.

21) Chinese people LOVE me! (20) - 25th November 2008

Chinese underpants don't have flies; this gives me an enviable advantage over the locals when I need to take a quick pee in a public toilet.

22) Late-night shopping run - 27th November 2008

I suffer a particularly galling incident at my local 7/11 store.

23) Translation - 28th November 2008

I attempt an English version of a famous bon mot from the Chinese sage Xun Zi.

24) Film List - the greatest Westerns - 29th November 2008

The first - and best - of my monthly 'Film List' series.

25) A restful image - 1st December 2008

A photograph of the courtyard where I stayed the last time I was in New Orleans - an image I regularly turn to for solace or relaxation.

26) Last words - 2nd December 2008

A humorous contemplation of suicide (and a little bit of bitching about Microsoft).

27) Today, in the recording studio - 4th December 2008

Recording listening practice exams was never so amusing! Well, in fact, it's usually fairly rib-tickling; but this session was something extra-special.

28) Because you can make 'Art' out of anything.... - 5th December 2008

I discover a website devoted to 'tampon art'....

29) The weekly bon mot - 8th December 2008

My blog-friend Tony produces a particularly good line on cats.

30) Pulgasari - 12th December 2008

My friends at Koryo Tours arrange a screening of this 'classic' North Korean Godzilla film, whose story is rich with political metaphor.

31) List of the Month - Things I wish my mother had told me.... - 13th December 2008

A collection of bons mots - the sum of my life's wisdom.

32) Oh, grow up! - 14th December 2008

Continuing my 'Free Advice' series.... I get irritated by the Chinese government's latest fatuous tantrum over the Dalai Lama.

Bon mot time

Last week on Barstool Blues I was recalling the great English comedian Peter Cook (in a couple of posts), so I thought I'd turn to him for this week's 'bon mot'.

"Imperfection is an end; perfection is only a goal."

Bon mot for the week

"You have to be a paranoiac narcissist to be a blogger."

A month or two ago, one of my female friends tracked down my blogs (or one of them, anyway) and left me a comment.  I teased her that this was a form of 'online stalking'.  She objected to the jibe, challenging me: "Do you think that everyone who comments on your blog is a stalker?"

Yes, of course I do!  Well, at least if they're people I know in the real world.... but haven't told about my blogs.  Hence this week's bon mot.

Bon mot for the week

Contentment: the smother of invention.


Ethel Watts Mumford (1878-1940)

Not much information on the Internet about Ms Mumford, but it seems she was a fairly prolific American humorist of the early 20th Century, and responsible for quite a few well-known bon mots. We may hear from her again in weeks to come.

Bon mot for the week

"If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

Max Ehrmann (1872-1945)

Bon mot for the week

"A man with no enemies is a man with no opinions. Or a man with no courage."

Froog

Bon mot for the week

"The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic."

Oscar Wilde  (1854-1900)

Bon mot for the week

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."

Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)

Bon mot of the week

"I'm not paranoid. But you all think I am!"

I love this line. It was reportedly part of the schtick used by legendary Glaswegian nutcase Jerry Sadowitz in his stand-up/conjuring shows at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. (I've caught his show there a couple of times in recent years, but missed the latest one.)

A literary double bon mot for the week

"We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified."

Aesop (c.620-564 BCE)

"After you get what you want, you don't want it."

Irving Berlin (1888-1989)

Bon mot for the week

"I hear some people say they are actively 'looking for love'.  I am reminded of a story I once read in which a suicidal thrill-seeker cut himself on the leg and then went swimming amongst Great White Sharks."

Froog

Bon mot for the week

"I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery."

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

A bon mot for the week

"Everybody wants to build but nobody wants to do maintenance."

Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

Mr Vonnegut was, I'm sure, thinking of the human condition in general, and perhaps more particularly of American foibles. But it seems to me that this one could be seen as especially appropriate to the Chinese today. There can be few other countries in the world where such a profusion of gleaming newness is but a mask for a morass of instant decay.

Bon mot for the week

"It is the duty of a citizen in a free country not to fit into society, but to make society."

John Holt (1923-1985)

And in a non-free country, come to that...

Bon mot for the week

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you."

William Arthur Ward (1921-1994)