More Chinglish highlights (illustrated!)

I just got back from a short holiday break in Harbin, a city in the far north of China.

In the words of Pulp Fiction's Vincent Vega, "They've got all the same shit there that we do here; it's just that it's a little different."

There are many things I love about Harbin, but its particularly inspired use of Chinglish in naming its malls and boutiques is one of the things that charms me most. This one, for example - what kind of mess has poor Russ got himself into?

Well, OK, I'm cheating a little bit on that one: the two tiles to the right of the frame say 'DS S' and 'HOP'. But you'd think - given the huge and long-standing Russian presence in the city - that they would at least be able to spell 'Russian'. Chinglish is typically characterised by mangled grammar or the inventive misuse of vocabulary rather than by faulty spelling.

You probably can't read the plaque above at this resolution, but it says Hate Deer Products Monopoly Shop. Is it the deer that they hate, do you suppose, or the monopoly on deer products? Since this shop is full of stuffed and mounted deer (and deer antlers for 'medicine'), I'm guessing it's the former. They hate them so much, they kill them all!

I briefly got quite excited about Café Jazz Wine, since we had been struggling rather to find any decent bars in central Harbin. Unfortunately, it turns out to be a men's clothing shop.

Elephants are obviously big in Harbin. Café Jazz Wine was pushing a clothing brand apparently called 'Elephas'. This mall, directly over the road from our hotel, has the charmingly oddball name of Myriad Elephant City. A myriad?? That might be just a few too many for me.

And Oudenoplover?? I have no idea where that one can have come from.

CARD DAM O (Cardomom???) THE UTILITY ROOM OF THE CREATIVITY PHOTOGRATHS. Another misspelling, no word breaks, two abstract nouns at war with each other, and an utterly unintelligible opening. Great job! At least it is a photography shop.

The great winner from these past few days of Chinglish delights, however, must surely be this signpost from Taiyangdao Leisure Park, opposite the city on the north side of the frozen Songhua River. Naive Bear Paradise. 'Native', I assume - although I am not aware that there are in fact any bears in this park. Oooh, I think I feel a possible band name coming on......

The baffling slogan 'Easy life is Infectiousness' is a very close second.

I couldn't help thinking that this advertising hoarding for a local English school had probably meant to say Hybrid English - wouldn't that have been more appropriate?

This girl seemed to haunt me throughout my time in the city. Perhaps it was just that she was 20ft tall, and in a very prominent location beside Zhaolin Park (home to the famous International Ice Sculpture Competition), just a block or so from our hotel. Perhaps it was that she was arrestingly cute. Or perhaps it was that she was uncomfortably reminiscent of the girlfriend I took on holiday there three years ago..... Yes, getting just a little nostalgic and maudlin again, I fear. Probably just the cold weather and the shortage of sleep; I'll get over it.