Shame, resentment, hesitation

I mentioned in 'the other place' a week ago that I had entered one of my haiku in a competition to try to win a bottle of vodka. Yes, I'm that poor this month.

I have just learned that I did not win. Not even one of the runner-up prizes. And this despite the fact that two of the judges were acquaintances of mine (although it was all done anonymously, and I didn't do any illicit lobbying, of course). For a 'professional' haiku writer (well, you know, someone who writes them every week, sometimes nearly every day), this is rather humiliating. Annoying, actually. (I am piqued also that I only found out the results by checking on the organiser's blog; piqued that he didn't even bother to acknowledge receipt of the submission, let alone notify us of the results [it's not like he had that many entries!]; and piqued that he published my submissions without asking, and under my real name at that.) Although, in a way, I am relieved, because I will not now have to labour under any sense of "thank you for the vodka" obligation to this guy - who I find rather irritating and almost completely talentless.

However, this mild assault to the ego does add to my nervousness in confronting the Moonrat challenge. I have knocked off a couple of entries, but they are not quite what I would wish. And being told you suck by someone you like and respect is a little harder to bear. Dither, dither.