The mind's a funny thing.
I had the strangest dream last night. Well, I suppose it was an 'ideal girlfriend' dream. Mildly arousing, but more cosy and affectionate and flirtatious and warming than hardcore erotic. The (nameless) girl in the dream was unlike anyone I know or am interested in now, yet somehow strongly familiar. In the half-waking moments at the end, I got the very strong impression that she was - or was supposed to be - a lovely young American girl I had a thwarted fling with...... about 18 years ago.
And all today I've been reflecting back to that might-have-been, and moping horribly about it. I haven't thought about that relationship very much since, and have never been aware of suffering any serious regrets about it before (the thing only miscarried because of the intervening ocean; and although we've fallen out of touch in recent years, we maintained a warm friendship afterwards and I visited her and her husband a number of times on my jaunts over to the States). But today I seem to be all broken up about it.
I think I'm probably just emotionally overwrought about a lot of other stuff at the moment. This tends to be one of my 'bad times of the year'. Ho hum.
5 comments:
you british men are ALL ALIKE. i dated one of you once, and he totally let an ocean intervene, to borrow your word. well, an ocean and an ex.
i dont know your story, but i hope in 18 years he's wallowing in remorse.
I'm sure he is! Or will be....
But, you know, it is a very BIG ocean. Try to be a little forgiving. I mean, you weren't going to move over to England for him either, right?
In my case, this is definitely 'referred pain'. Chris was only ever going to be a summer romance, and I think we were both quite content with that. The real source of my grief at the moment is much closer at hand, I think, both geographically and temporally. It's just that my brain files all of my heartaches together, and whenever I'm feeling a bit glum about my love life, it riffles through my American Heartbreaks at random, just to taunt me.
Bad time of the year cos it's coming round to that time when you become another year older???
I am NEVER another year older.
I am frozen in a perpetual state of being in my late-twenty-something 'prime'.
"bad time of the year"
i think it's called the seasonal blues.
winter approacheth, as do all things grey and lifeless.
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