the screw-game
one of the terrible things is
really
being in bed
night after night
with a woman you no longer
want to screw.
they get old, they don't look very good
any more - they even tend to
snore, lose
spirit.
so, in bed, you turn sometimes,
your foot touches hers -
god, awful! -
and the night is out there
beyond the curtains
sealing you together
in the
tomb.
and in the morning you go to the
bathroom, pass in the hall, talk,
say odd things: eggs fry, motors
start.
but sitting across
you have 2 strangers
jamming toast into mouths
burning the sullen head and gut with
coffee.
in 10 million places in America
it is the same -
stale lives propped against each
other
and no place to
go.
you get in the car
and you drive to work
and there are more strangers there, most of them
wives and husbands of somebody
else, and besides the guillotine of work, they
flirt and joke and pinch, sometimes tend to
work off a quick screw somewhere -
they can't do it at home -
and then
the drive back home
waiting for Christmas or Labor Day or
Sunday or
something.
Charles Bukowski (1920-1994)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
The Sunday poem
Another favourite piece of Bukowski - but very bleak. I've always been haunted by that line "stale lives propped against each other, and no place to go". I sometimes wonder if the fear of staleness setting in in a relationship hasn't been one of the factors inhibiting me from trying to embark on one very often. I hope not, but it might be so.
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6 comments:
The stages of a relationship:
Exploratory/experimental sex (getting to know one another)
Routine sex (push this button, that button, do this.. ahhhhhh)
Hall sex (pass each other by, saying Fuck you.)
Some people have different lives. I want to believe that not all relationships progress as GEORG says.
Me, too!
But one of the reasons why promiscuity/lack of long-term commitment are so commonplace in the world is undoubtedly that the 'exploratory sex' phase seems to be more fun - and people get hooked on it.... which requires regular changes of partner.
Why change of partner? Why not change of games??
It's not really the sex but the person you're doing it with that's the interesting novelty, and it's that that generates the excitement.
I do believe it might be possible to maintain an interesting sex life over many years, but it seems to be pretty rare. And it's probably more dependent on the personalities of the two people than on the "games" they play.
I've always been about dubious about all this fetish stuff. If this is kind of thing you have to resort to in order to maintain some interest and variety in your sex life, then a) it's tantamount to admitting you're becoming bored with your partner, and b) you're making the activity more important than the person you're doing it with (I think the wilder ends of the spectrum of sexual practice almost invariably lead to promiscuity and/or relationship breakdown).
I wouldn't be able to comment on things I don't have any experience in, such as long long term relationships gone stale, fetish at the wilder ends of the spectrum and promiscuity as result of those.
What I can imagine happens for many "ordinary couples" is; 1. that they stay with people they are not 100% compatible with -in every possible way- and they don't test each other to find out about EVERYTHIN, 2. they stay with the first and best partner that will stay with them even if they are not totally crazy about the person, 3. they think the sea has run out of fish and they don't go off to look for a new partner, 4. they start and then continue relationships which are not perfect to begin with and not with their perfect match, 5. they forget to take every possible thing into consideration before saying YES for ever, 6. then everyday life and practicalities come in the way of the love affaire, 7. they let the problems from the everyday practical parts of life effect their love affaire, 8. both partners might forget or be too lazy to stay fit in all the ways that attracted the other one to begin with. and a few more points that I might have not thought of.
So instead of PREVENTING all the above by planning better in beginning, or finding the perfect partner, many people let it go too far and then because of all the "things" they have with their partners, they don't allow themselves to part from them to find a new partner and build a new life...........so the story goes on.
But I still have not explanation or knowledge on how fetishes come about. I think many people must have them hidden within themselves without knowing about them, until they by accident stumble upon them and discover a new thing about themselves. I guess on that note I could add no.9. people don't know themselves well enough when they get into a long term relationship.
10. people grow and change, but not parallel with their partners.
I think I'll take this comment and post it on my blog -it's long enough!
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