Supplement: Where queue-jumping really rankles (Where in the world am I? [31])

Now, I said in my last post that I am generally pretty accepting of the various phenomena of 'unsocial behaviour' that foreigners here routinely (and, for my money, rather tediously) whinge about. There is perhaps one notable exception to this: the place where the national 'blind spot' about queueing for anything is most blatant, most egregious, most unforgivable - when you're buying a ticket for the subway.

It's not too bad when there are a lot of people trying to buy at the same time. Perhaps there are certain group dynamics that take hold, your would-be queue-jumper instinctively realising that he might get himself lynched by an angry mob if he tries it on in front of so many people. And at the busier stations, there are usually police and security guards mooching about the ticket hall, whose watchful presence reminds people that they really ought to queue.

However, if the line is short - if it's just you! - you can pretty much guarantee that someone (I was about to say "a guy", but the women are every bit as bad) will come barrelling up to the ticket counter and try to thrust their money through the little window to the the attendant ahead of you. It is as if you are not there, as if they have honestly convinced themselves that at that moment they and the ticket-seller are the only two people in the Universe. It is quite flabbergasting!

These are the tactics which foreigners have evolved for dealing with this irksome circumstance:

1) Fix the queue-jumper with an icy stare to let them know they have transgressed, and shame them into retreating to the back of the line. (This usually works well for me - but I make the most of the fact that I am 6'3", 200 lbs, and can look like quite a psycho motherf***er when I really put my mind to it.)

2) Tell the offender, in the local language, to "get in line". (This is one of the very few phrases in the local tongue that really is worth getting down pat. Some people like to show off by elaborating the instruction with moral lessons or insults, but that's counter-productive. A brusque command on its own works almost every time. Over-elaborations can result in, at best, conversations, at worst, stand-up fights.)

3) Use a combination of body-language, internationally understood gestures, and wordless vocal noises to communicate your displeasure. (Even better than 1) or 2), because the 'icy stare' is so easily ignored, and any attempt to use the local language may get you embroiled in an unwanted longer exchange.)

4) Elbow the c**t in the throat. (Simple, but effective. And for me, since I have a height advantage of nearly a foot over most of the locals, it's remarkably easy for me to make it look relatively accidental. Can of course be combined with any of the above, if success is in doubt.)

5) Obstinately stand your ground, and thrust your money through the ticket window simultaneously, hoping that the attendant will take your side and serve you first. (This is what the locals themselves almost invariably do when confronted with this situation. The weakness of this tactic is obvious.)

6) Allow the queue-jumper to put his/her money through the window first, but then snatch the ticket and politely thank him/her for buying it for you. (I have only done this once, but it was immensely satisfying.)


Ah, the simple pleasures of our lives in this exotic land!