One of the more amusing disasters to befall me during the cooking marathon I undertook for my Bob Marley Party the other week was that my can-opener caught fire. I mentioned in a diatribe against my kitchen facilities last week that the gas flames on the stove are ferociously hot: I would have thought 4" or 5" away would be a safe distance, but it seems not: the ambient heat was so intense that the plastic body of the can-opener first began to melt, and then burst into flames. Lucky I was right on hand to plunge it into the sink before the conflagration spread to the whole kitchen, I suppose!
I commented in the post prior to the kitchen one (another rather whiny, ranty one, I'm afraid) on how difficult it can be to buy things out here. Canned goods are big business here now. Can-openers, apparently, are not. Something of a paradox. I should go and ask one of my neighbours how the heck they open tin cans.
Anyway, none of my local supermarkets (there are three quite big ones within reasonable walking distance) is currently carrying such an item. I eventually found one last weekend in one of the "foreigner-oriented" groceries that I described in that earlier post. It was modestly expensive. However, it looked good - clean lines, smart design, seemingly solidly built.
And the packaging proclaimed: "The company assured customers that its products' usability is good."
Was I comforted by that statement? No, I've been in this country far too long for that! It made me feel distinctly uneasy....
The circular 'blade' is not in fact sharp enough to cut into anything. The cogged wheels which are supposed to rotate the can are misaligned, and do not mesh with each other or with anything else. The gap between these cogs and the blade is too small to admit the edge of the can, so it's practically impossible even to attach the opener to the can - and when, if you do manage that, you certainly can't open the can with the wretched thing.
The astonishing thing about this is that it is well-made, all metal, and attractive to look at. The local manufacturer has painstakingly copied the outward elements of an impressive foreign design - without the least attempt to understand the engineering principles that actually make the device work.
Absolutely unbelievable! There may be some other countries in the world where this kind of thing happens..... but I am not aware of any.
PS The plastic here is useless too. Any plastic item (dustpans, washing-up bowls, buckets, wastepaper baskets, ice-cube trays) is incredibly brittle - and effectively one-use-only. Really, a washing-up bowl will SHATTER the moment you drop a cup into it from a height of greater than about 3". I've lost count of the number I've been through.
I am terrified lest this same disregard of the fundamentals of the science of materials may be at work in the aerospace industry or major construction projects here.
2 comments:
Hey froog, I know where you are, of course. But it's only because you were kind enough to comment on my comment at another blog in this same country. Anyway, lovely can opener entry. Inspired to write one myself now. You know how they open the cans, though? My girlfriend showed me before I found my imported, expensive Swedish beauty. With a cleaver. Christ! I lacerated my finger in the process.
THAT's how they do it?
Well, I'm surprised I've never seen that in all my years in the country.
I would have thought it would be terribly messy, can contents spilling everywhere (I assume you have to lay the can on its side, aim to remove the top portion with a single, straight cut a centimetre or two from the end). Also, likely to blunt your cleaver quite quickly. And horribly unsafe - any slightly mis-aimed stroke likely to richochet off in all directions, endangering knees, fingers, eyes, nearby small children....
I now have a cheap but impressively FUNCTIONAL can-opener from IKEA. I did - surprisingly - manage to get my money back on the dud locally-made one (fairly obvious from the look of sullen resignation on the face of the girl in the store that they've had dozens of them returned by irate foreigners..... but they still won't remove them from the shelves!).
The last couple of weeks, I have been often reminded of that painful scene with the tin of pineapple in 'Three Men In A Boat'.
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