Imagined memories of war
Soul clenches, cringes
I find the interminable firework overload of the Chinese New Year celebrations very emotionally wearing. It's not just irritation and ennui with the relentless din of it, and the throat-scouring clouds of gunpowder smoke. It's not just my hyper-alertness to the risk of injury to my person, or concern for the possible harm the guileless locals seem about to inflict on themselves. It's partly these things, but it's something more, too. I seem to suffer the same exaggerated sensitivity to loud bangs as a dog. This continual rattle of explosions, reminiscent of gunfire, makes me very, very anxious. I almost wonder if it isn't remembered shellshock, if I didn't experience being under fire, perhaps endure sustained bombardment in the trenches, in an earlier incarnation....
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