Obsessed

Who, me??

No, actually, I'm thinking of the film of that name.

Now, you might well ask why I would be thinking of the film Obsessed. It is indeed not the kind of film I would ordinarily watch, stuck-up high-brow elitist cineaste that I am. However.... there's a new bar/café in my neighbourhood that I've checked out a few times recently which is constantly running DVDs on a big TV in the corner. I find this an unlovely feature of the place, but it seems to appeal to the backpacker custom they're targeting.

I like to eat early, so have usually been in at around 6pm, when I have the place all to myself (it's so tiny that it feels unpleasantly packed with only a dozen or so people inside; that's why I didn't get around to going in for the first 2 or 3 weeks it was open). The service is friendly, but SLOW - so, even the most basic snack takes a good 40 or 50 minutes to order and consume. Just long enough to get sucked in to whatever movie they happen to be showing at the time.

As I say, I'd really rather not get sucked in to watching a movie while I'm eating. If there were anyone else in there, I'd probably try to chat with them while waiting for my food. When I'm on my own, I generally prefer to read a book, or bombard my friends with witty text messages, or simply sit in contemplative silence thinking my brilliant and lucrative thoughts - but they have the damned TV turned up way too loud for that. So, despite my aversion, I find myself getting sucked in to their DVD film show.

Not sucked in enough that I'd want to stay and watch the whole thing, mind you; because they choose such dogs of films, trashy thrillers that I've never even heard of. Films like....

.... Obsessed. [Yes, there will now be SPOILERS. Although, honestly, there isn't really very much in this film to spoil.]

It has a modestly interesting premise, centred on sexual harassment in the workplace, with a gender and age reversal (it's a younger woman hassling an older man), and an interracial twist (the stalker's white, her victim's black). Alas, this being a Hollywood would-be money-maker, this subject can't be treated as a serious domestic drama; no, it has to become an over-the-top thriller, with the anti-heroine being an endlessly resourceful, immoral, implacable (and utterly motiveless) supervillainess - just an inept re-tread of Fatal Attraction (but without the sex, and the concomitant guilt, that made that film so psychologically arresting).

The mechanics of the she-wolf's skullduggery, though, are amongst the least of the plot's implausibilities. No, the thing that really shoots down the fragile hot-air balloon of disbelief-suspension is the staggering naivety of her chosen target, her boss, Derek (the very good English actor Idris Elba almost visibly squirming with embarrassment in this dreadful part). I know we chaps can occasionally be a bit short-sighted about when ladies are interested in us... but NOT when it's this obvious. What's more, Derek is handsome, rich, and powerful (and married - another big turn-on for many women): he ought to be used to having women come on to him; he's the kind of guy who would expect it, and might well relish such attention even if he's not going to act on it (but this film has no interest in any such depth of characterization).

Perhaps even more implausible is the suggestion that he could remain so stolidly virtuous in the face of the girl's advances - especially when his wife is shrewish, controlling, and rabidly jealous, with no trust at all in the superhuman fidelity he displays towards her. And especially when the girl coming on to him is Ali Larter! Yes, that's Ali Larter, the former supermodel and promising young actress who has regularly featured in the higher echelons of World's Sexiest Women polls for the past decade. It really is difficult to conceive of any red-blooded male being able to turn down Ali Larter, even if she did appear to be a bit mentally unstable.

The writing is just awful throughout. Larter's character has no back-story at all. Derek's wife (Beyoncé, once again proving that she can't act) morphs abruptly from demure home-maker into a trash-talking ghetto harpy. There's a token gay guy in the office, who seems to be being set up as an important confidante (and potential accomplice?) to Larter, but disappears from the film after a few scenes. And the police officer who later becomes involved, Detective Reese (Christine Lahti, who really deserves better), seems to serve no other purpose than to exacerbate Derek's domestic troubles by asking him impertinent questions in front of his wife.

The whole thing appears to have been cobbled together in a hurry. There's no suspense, and precious little logic to anything that happens. In particular, there are two pivotal (you'd think!) scenes - one where Derek and his stalker are seen by a co-worker as she tries to rape him in a toilet cubicle during the office Christmas party; and another where she appears to have succeeded in raping him in a hotel room, after slipping some Rufenol in his drink - which are never referred to again. This script's not even inept enough to be amusingly bad; it's just dull and incoherent.

Oh, perhaps I shouldn't really judge - since I didn't see the beginning or the end (although I think I saw more than enough to gauge the general calibre of the film). I gather it concludes with an epic catfight where Ali Larter and Beyoncé are smashing furniture over each other for several minutes. But I doubt if that alone could justify the price of admission.

I imagine this film did fairly well at the box office in America because of its star names. And because men will enjoy the fantasy of having a beautiful woman begging to go to bed with them (particularly when it's Ali Larter, in a succession of revealing costumes). And women may perhaps enjoy the fantasy of a perfect husband who would never, ever commit adultery - even with Ali Larter. But it will attain no lasting place in the history of cinema. Oh no. When we start running short of digital storage capacity in a few decades' time, this will be one of the first titles to be permanently deleted from the record of human achievement.