Takes possession of one's life.
Illness, dread, despair.
I have been miserably ill for the past two weeks or so, but, touch wood, today seems to have marked rather a breakthrough. I still have a painfully raspy throat and a tickly cough, but I'm no longer running a fever. The glands in my neck are still the size of walnuts, but I no longer feel as if my entire throat is puffed up like a bullfrog's. Speaking is still a little uncomfortable, but swallowing no longer is; and I don't seem to be in imminent danger of losing my voice any more. Progress indeed!
I've had several episodes like this in recent years, but I usually manage to see them off with a self-prescribed course of antiobiotics. It's provoked by the dust in the air we so often suffer in Beijing, but I think it is some form of infection rather than an allergy. It is pretty dramatic - I was not exaggerating with that bullfrog analogy. And, of course, I worry that there may be some underlying problem rendering me susceptible to these throat infections (or that such serious, recurring ill health may cause me some kind of permanent damage), especially when one persists for so long and, on this occasion, proves impervious to the usual treatments.
I have been so worried this week that I was on the brink of consulting a doctor. And I absolutely hate having to consult a doctor; I haven't done so for years. To be frank, I was becoming concerned that maybe there was something wrong with my lymph nodes. You know, something.
It didn't help my mood - or my hypochondria - that I learned this week that a Beijing friend had recently died of cancer, barely a year after he was first diagnosed. That makes 5 people I know amongst the expat community here who've had cancer, 3 of whom have died - and they've all been in their 30s or 40s. Maybe that isn't statistically significant (although I don't think I know anyone my age back home who's had cancer problems), but it's a disturbing and depressing coincidence. The environment in Beijing is pretty damn toxic and we are, I'm sure, all shortening our lives by being here. I just hope we're not shortening them by that much.
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