Heads

A few years ago, I was going out with a lovely American girl who was interested in Buddhism (she is in fact pursuing a career in academe, as one of the few people to specialise in the study of Chinese Buddhism). A nice stone Buddha head was something she coveted for herself. A good replica of a terracotta warrior's head was something she wanted as a present for her mum. Both proved to be much more difficult to find than we had supposed. The quest for the Buddha head became a project that consumed us for months, but eventually I dug up a rather fine one (well, within our modest ambitions) for her in the Panjiayuan market here in Beijing.

The terracotta warrior on the right was acquired in the Xi'an night market. The girlfriend, alas, though her Chinese was reasonably good, lacked the 'hard-nosed' gene required for haggling here. However, her technique had improved slightly under my tuition, and she wanted to attempt this transaction on her own. I loitered by a nearby stall, feigning impatience. The negotiation dragged on and on, and she would occasionally come over to ask my advice.

"Tell her you haven't got any more money," I told her, when it seemed to me that things had gone on quite long enough.

A little later, the girlfriend returned again. "She says I should borrow some from you."

My impatience was no longer feigned. "Look," I said, "you're really in a take-it-or-leave-it situation now. Just tell her I refused to lend you any money because I don't like the head and I think you're offering too much already."

A few minutes later the girlfriend returned, proudly clutching the head. "She says you are tight-fisted and you have a black heart and I should dump you for someone nicer. Thank you."