Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Since I seem to be perennially hopeless at finding (or keeping) a girlfriend, I am becoming seriously tempted to get a dog for companionship instead. The more I think on it, the more obvious the many advantages appear.

10 Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Girlfriend

1) A dog gives you unconditional love.

2) A dog gives you absolute loyalty.

3) A dog is always pleased to see you when you come home.

4) A dog enjoys being told to "fetch".

5) You can pet other dogs whenever you like.

6) A dog doesn't mind being teased about "dog years".

7) You can keep a dog happy with one or two chocolate treats, instead of a whole box.

8) You can get a dog to jump in the lake quite easily.

9) When a dog has behaved badly, you can make it sleep outside.

10) When you stop buying dinner for a dog, it dies.

Quite a powerful argument, I think.


Tulsa said...

Not a bad idea. Made me think about my horses.

10 Reasons a Horse is Better than a Boyfriend:

1. They're not shy about letting you know how they feel.

2. They'll listen to anything you have to say AND provide encouraging nudges along the way.

3. They are always happy go outside and play.

4. Even when they get fat and old, they still look amazing and graceful.

5. They don't mind missing the Game on TV so that they can join you for a gallop in the countryside.

6. You can feed them (almost) anything with no complaints.

7. They’ll carry you when you’re feeling tired.

8. You never need a DTR (define the relationship) talk.

9. If you leave them, they won't dramatically die.

10. If you return, they remember you well and greet you with all the enthusiasm of a new love.

Ali Bali Bee said...

Exception to the rule about chocolates? A couple of festive season's ago, my mother's mutt clapped eyes on a large, just-opened (so just-about-full) box of Thornton's choccies perched on the armchair. She (the mutt, not my mum) learned the hard way that 'human' chocolate is a poison to dogs... Let's just say that she could sh*t through the eye of a needle after that.

And let's not forget the 'boozy Christmas cake' incident (I doused the cake in copious amounts of brandy before putting the marzipan on it in preparation for it being iced). It was intended for human consumption ONLY, I hasten to add. After the above incident, we decided to move ALL edible items WELL out of reach, behind closed doors. But alas, no, where there's a will, there's a way: Mutley lunged at the allegedly out-of-reach cake (right at the back of the kitchen counter...no easy task for a Labrador-sized dog) and managed to get a fair bit down her neck before getting caught. I know we shouldn't have laughed, but we couldn't help ourselves, every time we looked at that hungover dog.

As we didn't give the dog the cake or the chocolate, I must insist that it was self-inflicted, and not an act of cruelty. And thankfully the dog has fully recovered from her stupidity.

Did she learn her lesson? Indeed not: several days later she also managed to lick all the cream off a home-made cream cake. Thankfully all was not lost: the cream was 'invisibly mended'. Such was the precise standard of my repair, that my brother and sister-in-law didn't notice anything untoward as they tucked in to said cream cake, and even commented on how nice it was (my parents and myself politely refrained from having this particular dessert, and desperately tried not to laugh until they left).

Dog's absolutely fine. Not sure of any long-term effects on brother and sis-in law tho.

Froog said...

For the 'insiders' who venture into these comment threads, I can reveal that the title of this post is a veiled homage to my good buddy The Choirboy. 'Woof!" is his favourite expression of approval when an attractive women swims into his ken (channelling Lord Flasheart, no doubt).

georg said...

Oh yes, because barking around women is sure to get them to drop their knickers... Giggle.

Usually, if I say "Woof" to a friend while we were checking out the bar, it means he's a dog, and that's not complimentary- he's not attractive, possibly smelly, and desparately in need of being tossed outside.