Yes, but WHO are you? (Where in the world am I? [39])

Today was going so well, it really was. Gorgeous weather. I got a lot of things done. I was even starting to make some, ever-so-slight progress towards crow-barring another contract out of my last employer, the suddenly uncommunicative IT company.

I was feeling in a very positive frame of mind. Nothing about The Unnameable Country was going to bug me today! Nothing!

And then I got a phone call. This phone call:


Me: "Hello."

Caller: "Hello."

[Silence]

Me: "Who is that?"

Caller: "Is that Mr Froog?"

Me: "Well, Froog is my first name, so you don't need to call me 'Mr Froog'. Just 'Froog' will do. But yes, I am. And who are you?"

Caller: "Are you an English teacher?"

Me: "Well, sometimes, yes. But who are you?

Caller: "I am from ABC Company."

Me: "What?"

Caller: "ABC Company."

Me: "But who are you?"

Caller: "I am from ABC Company."

Me: "Yes, but what is your name?"

Caller: [Pause] "I am Janet."

Me: "Hi, Janet. Nice to meet you. Why are you calling me?"

Caller: "I am from ABC Company."

Me: "Well, that's nice. But why are you calling me?"

Caller: "You are an English teacher!"

Me: "Well, yes, I am. But how do you know that? Who gave you my name?"

Caller: "I am from ABC Company. Don't you know us?"

Me: "No, I don't. I've never worked for you before. I don't know anyone who works for you. I've never heard of you. You must have been given my name by someone. Who told you to call me?"

Caller: [Pause, audible flummox] "Er, er, one of your friends told us about you. Don't you know?"

Me: "No, I don't. Could you tell me who it was?"

Caller: "Er..... um..... do you know [deliberately inaudible]?"

Me: "Sorry. What was that? I didn't hear the name you said."

Caller: "Er, er, [mumbling again] Dakar. Don't you know Dakar?"

Me: "Dakar?"

Caller: "Yes!"

Me: "No, I don't. I think Dakar is a place, not a person."

Caller: "Oh. [Audible crest falling] You don't know Dakar?"

Me: "No. No, I definitely don't know anyone by that name. Never mind. Why are you calling me?"

Caller: "I am from ABC Company!"

Me: "Yes, yes, I got that. What kind of company is that?"

Caller: "You haven't heard of us?"

Me: "No, I'm afraid I haven't."

Caller: "We are very famous company."

Me: "Well, I'm sorry, but I haven't heard of you. I don't know a single thing about this company. I can't even begin to imagine what they do. Please - enlighten me."

Caller: "ABC Company?"

Me: "Yes."

Caller: "You don't know ABC Company?"

Me: "No, I don't. Please tell me what they do."

Caller: "They are a company of architects."

Me: [Suddenly perking up - sniffing prospect of some English for Special Purposes work, aka English at Enhanced Rates] "Oh, that's interesting. How big is your company?"

Caller: "You don't know us? Oh, very big. We have offices all over the world!"

Me: "Well, how big is your office here, in The Unnameable City?"

Caller: "Oh, very small."

Me: "But you want to have some English training?"

Caller: "Yes."

Me: "Well, I might be able to help with that. How many people do you want to provide English training for?"

Caller: "Why do you ask so many questions?"

Me: [Thinks: Because you won't bloody well tell me anything.] "Well, it's kind of my job, you know. I have to find out what kind of class you want, how many students, how many hours per week, for how many weeks, and why they want to learn. Then I can decide if it's something I can do or not, and quote you a price."

Caller: "Oh. [Sound of crest falling even further.] Do you really need to know all that?"

Me: "Er, yes I do."

Now, this was not a language problem. This lady had great English. I could understand her fine, and I don't think she was having any problems understanding me.

This was purely a cultural thing. In this country, telephone technique is almost entirely unknown. People do not introduce themselves. They do not explain why they are calling. They do not explain how they got your contact details. They are reluctant to volunteer any information at all. They are reluctant to give out information even when questioned. They behave as if knowledge is power and they don't want to cede any of that power to you: they will only tell you what they think is the absolute minimum amount of information required to get you to agree to something. That minimum is usually far less than what is actually required in order for you to have the slightest notion of what they're talking about.

Finding out why someone is calling you is like getting blood from a stone in this country. And yes, I'm sorry to say, even after all these years, it still gets my goat. There is just no good reason for it.

After taking nearly 10 minutes to find out why the f*** Janet was calling me, I at last discovered that she was trying to set up a 1-to-1 class for her boss..... and I flipped rather. That kind of lesson is a complete waste of time for both parties: it's an ineffective learning environment for the student, and the teacher invariably has to suffer the class being cancelled at least 2 weeks out of every 3 (and thus not being paid). Complete waste of time. No, thank you!!

Conversation terminated at 5.18pm.