Everything returns....

Moods, feelings, ways of looking at the world, poems. This is one I just rediscovered in my 'old' archive, yet it feels as if it might have been written last year, last month, last week.

The original focus, of course, was a woman (probably great 'lost love', The Evil One, and my disillusionment over our failure to make it work, my sorry return to an even longer spell of 'relationship drought'). Currently, it's striking more of a chord with the disappointments I am constantly suffering in my professional life out here - as recounted in my last post.

oasis

I have been so long in the desert
that I am afraid of palm trees
on the horizon.

"Another mirage," I think -
not worth the effort,
not worth the agonies of false hope,
not worth the long trudge across the dunes.

The dream of sweet water
retreats inexorably,
forever on the edge of the world.

And I cannot walk that far, that long
through this crushing heat,
this blinding emptiness.

And so I ignore the glimpse of Eden,
turn shyly aside
and carry on my way.

No regrets, no furtive glances;
I tunnel my vision
and focus my thoughts only
on the next step
and the next.
Always one more shambling footstep
in the yielding sands.

And yet the palm-fronds tease me,
nagging at the corner of my eye.
And sometimes they seem closer,
close enough to reach.

Perhaps if I approach obliquely, slyly,
the space between will close unnoticed,
and their shade
will take me by surprise.

I have been so long in the desert
that I have forgotten its lessons.

Thirst becomes imperative:
the need
to refresh, revive, restore
defeats all caution.

I rush upon the mocking palms,
the glittering pool;
I fall to my knees
and gulp
a mouthful
of hot sand.